(adapted from my original post on Anne’s Happy Clues)
Do you want to live your life or leave something behind? Most of us think of these things are two separate ideas but why can’t we do both? Why not focus on living your legacy? Most of us think of leaving a legacy as something that people might talk about after we’re gone. Then again, we’ll be gone by then so why do we care?
I’ve had several coachees ask me about how to make an impact on those around them. They want to be remembered by colleagues not just after they’ve left this existence but also as they move onto the next role. We all want to leave a positive mark behind but it got me thinking about how we can get lost in wanting to be remembered after we’re gone. Instead, shouldn’t we be living our legacy and looking to make an impact in the now?
The Self and Living Your Legacy
The concept of self, or me versus I, has been debated in psychology for some centuries since the Ancient Greeks. Some think of the self as the ego and the superego that Freud described and others might it as the observing versus thinking mind.
Buddhism goes into great detail about the concept of self versus non-self. Various traditions explain these ideas in many different ways. The aim is to work on balancing both the self with the non-self which could mean either emptiness or full of grace, so to speak.
I’m not going to pretend that I’m a Buddhist scholar but I can say that the view of non-self is fundamentally different to Western views. In the west, we hold onto our identities and psychologists tell us that’s how you develop a healthy view of yourself and the world. Then again, those same psychologists will tell you that sometimes we need to let go of certain identities in order to heal and move forwards.
The idea of letting go of the self or ego is to connect with the non-self. Even if that’s too out there for you, the point is to avoid attaching yourself to your self-image as well as your desires, cravings and other worldly things. Clearly, this takes practice especially because we do also need the ego.
The art is to navigate a delicate balance between self and non-self. Moreover, non-self doesn’t mean that we are empty. It simply means everything that is not the self-image that we protect. I like to think of it as our compassionate inner core that we all have access to.
How is this all relevant to living your legacy? You have to ask yourself what’s driving you to want to leave a legacy behind? Is it your ego who wants to be remembered? Alternatively, it could be your non-self, or core inner grace, whose intent is to spread compassion and understanding within the world. In that case, legacy becomes a by-product which happens effortlessly.
How to Balance Ego and Non-Self for Living Your Legacy
It all goes back to living in the present moment, along with some mindfulness. Are you living each day according to your values? Do you know how to accept your faults and mistakes while being kind to yourself? What does it mean to be the best version of you? And by that, I mean the version that doesn’t hide behind the mask of an ideal self-image that doesn’t really exist and takes an inordinate amount of energy to keep up.
Those are all questions that can help you determine if you’re living your legacy. Purpose is actually closely linked to legacy although purpose perhaps feels more in the now. It’s not easy to find our purpose as we get swayed by society and the expectations that we put on ourselves. Remember though that, as far as we know, we only have one life. Will any of this matter when it’s the end? If yes, then you’re on the way to living your legacy.
A great book for discovering your purpose that goes through step-by-step exercises is the On-Purpose Person. Don’t forget your self-care as you work through this.
Are You Living Your Legacy?
Essentially, are you living your life? Is it the one you want or is it the one that others expect of you? Of course, it isn’t easy to just click your fingers and know what you want in life. We’ve been influenced by so many things since the moment we opened our eyes so it’s tough to work through the noise. Another useful tool to help you is the Ikagai. It’s all about developing the right philosophy of life with your very own routines and relationships while living to your values and supporting your cause.
1- Discover how to leverage your passions
First, do you know what you enjoy in life? What about injustices that upset you? How do you inspire others? If you’re stuck, try asking your friends and close colleagues for feedback. Another useful approach is to reflect on turning points in your life of when you felt happiest and most fulfilled. However big or small, we all have those moments in our life.
2- Don’t let your strengths go dormant
Many of us stumble through not really knowing what we’re good at. It’s a sad truth but we often squash our natural strengths because we’re trying to be what others expect of us. Luckily, there’s a very useful questionnaire you can work through to discover both your strengths and your unrealised strengths. You can also get the book if that’s easier. It nicely summarises various strengths, what they look like and how we can leverage them.
And let’s not forget the deep skills that soon-to-be or already retired leaders have. Wisdom is something that we all need in this world if we hope to survive and change the disaster we have created. The more we can share our wisdom into the universal consciousness, the more we can positively impact not just the next generation but all those who are yet to come.
3- Know your intentions
Let’s get back to the self versus non-self concept. Why do you want to leave a legacy? If you dig deep, is it for the right intentions or simply because you can’t bear the thought of being gone one day? Of course we all struggle with that thought but we can’t avoid it.
Instead, it’s worth remembering that all we really have is this moment. We won’t be here to appreciate our legacy. With that in mind, doesn’t living your legacy today for a greater good feel more motivating and in your control than hoping to be remembered after you are gone?
Where Does That Leave Us for Living Your Legacy?
It’s tough to accept that we’ll be gone one day. The mind fights that thought and holds on to the idea of who we are. This is all clinging though. Clinging to a past and to an identity. The sooner we can let go of those and focus on traits like compassion, the easier life becomes. Letting go doesn’t happen with the click of the fingers though. It takes constant self-reflection, acceptance of our mistakes and the desire to make this world a slightly better place.