As I listened to a few people recently talking about the to-do lists they’ve created for this new year, I wondered about our approach to ‘doing’. Are you the kind of person who lists pages and pages of things you’d like to do or try? Alternatively, perhaps you know your personal goals and you only stick to a few key things to focus on at any one time. Then again, ‘being busy’ seems to be a fashionable thing these days and you have to wonder how much those people who are too busy to sleep actually choose their activities. So, how can we better manage our choices?
This coincided with my recent experience of a meditation retreat where I contemplated the idea that suffering is a choice. Life is painful but we don’t have to choose to succumb to suffering. In the same way, we don’t have to give in to our to-do lists and be overrun by them.
Choice versus Decision
The words choice and decision are often used interchangeably but there is a subtle difference. Choice implies we have options that often look like a crossroads whereas decisions could be made in isolation. Choice is about knowing who you are, including your biases, and what’s important to you in terms of values and purpose. You might decide to move countries but you choose to lead change rather than go with the flow.
To manage our choices is about evaluating endless possibilities which you do by connecting to your values and beliefs. On the other hand, the decision that ensues brings consequences. What you do with those consequences is the difference of a great leader.
1- We Can All Manage Our Choices More Wisely by Aligning with Our Values
• Do the values exercise if you don’t know your values
• How do fear and your assumptions affect your behaviours?
Do you know your values? It sounds simple but if you had to choose your top 3, what would they be? And if you don’t know your values and what you stand for then how can you expect anyone to follow you? If you don’t know how to answer these questions then have a go at the values exercise.
An interesting challenge at this point is to ask yourself if any of your values drive you to ‘all or nothing’ thinking. How do you deal with people who have different values and can you accept them or not? It’s important to understand what you’re willing to sacrifice if you want to be a great leader. It’s similar to strategy – it’s not just about knowing what to do but also about what not to do before you even consider the question “how to manage our choices”.
As a leader, perhaps also think about what fear does do your values and behaviours. This starts making an impact into morally difficult decisions that many leaders have to face. These include climate change, amongst many others, and understanding your values can help steer you through. Then the issue of how to manage our choices becomes much clearer.
2- Develop Response rather than Reactivity
• We all make assumptions about the world
• Journal to learn about your emotions and reduce your reactivity
Daniel Kahneman made the brain’s 2 system thinking famous with his ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ book in 2011. Essentially, Kahneman simplifies our way of making decisions into 2 systems where the first one is automatic and intuitive and the second one is slow and analytical. It’s a great model because it helps us understand how much we simplify the world and that, whilst we believe our decisions are wise, they are in fact based on inaccurate assumptions.
Ideally, we want to develop self-awareness such that we are not blinded by our emotions but on the contrary, we leverage them by pausing and responding wisely. As psychologist Victor Frankl famously said, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom”.
Of course this is easier said than done. One of the most powerful ways is to journal and write about those moments during the day when you were triggered to respond.
What’s the pattern of your thoughts? What emotions came up? What automatic thoughts do you jump to and how could these be different? What was the bigger picture in that situation and how does this affect your new response?
3- Accept the Consequences
• Know how your biases shape your choices by journaling
• do the gratitude exercise to find the opportunity in all consequences
Of course, we can talk about opportunity risk and how our biases twist our decisions. However, assuming you’ve applied some logic, along with an understanding of your emotions and drivers, then there’s really no such thing as a bad decision. I realise that knowing how our biases and motivations skew our decisions takes a lot of personal work. Then again, don’t forget that we are human and we make mistakes.
Once you’ve accepted that we are vulnerable beings with flaws, misconceptions and a twisted view of reality then suddenly you realise that decision making is necessarily also flawed. Therefore it all comes down to your values. If you’ve followed your values then no one can fault you, including yourself. How you then respond, rather than react, to mistakes or any other consequences is what makes you a great leader.
How do you develop acceptance and resilience to deal with consequences? There’s no secret really as it takes mindfulness along with self-awareness and practice. However, a good place to start is the gratitude exercise where you list everything you’re grateful for in the situation. This helps you reframe and find the good that you can leverage. It also means understanding and managing your emotions and realising that they are simply emotions and that they don’t need to define you. This takes me back to journaling, which is still one of the best tools to work through emotions.
Manage our Choices to Become Great Leaders
Leadership is many things and everyone has a different definition although I believe that we are all leaders regardless of whether we have the title or not. Can you influence people around you? Are you able to inspire others to improve themselves or to learn something? Do you collaborate with your community for a greater good?
There are many ways everyone can show leadership. This often starts with how to manage our choices as well as understanding how our values guide us and your biases blind us. Blending these and developing acceptance of what you can’t control is the start of a wiser you for a more fulfilled life.